// Every ascension you can get a free sample of goofballs.
if(visit_url("tavern.php?place=susguy&pwd").contains_text("First bottle's free, man")) {
vprint("I know they're bad for me, but... \"Hey! Free Goofballs!\"", "olive", 2);
visit_url("tavern.php?action=buygoofballs&pwd");
}
Problem is, it might not be available until level 3.
2) Make pies out of all of your keys (needs fail-checking, but since the script won't fire until you're about to ascend, it doesn't hurt for it to use turns)
Yeah... if you're lazy, could just toss that bit from above on Goofballs into a script for preAscension, since that checks if they're free already. Possibly with OCD Inventory called as well.