Sorry. Been out of pocket for a while. However after having everything work for a few runs and then having been in aftercore for a looooong time I just ascended and came back as HC Seal Clubber. First shot out of the box I got:
[DEBUG] Adding "+200bonus spring shoes" to current    maximizer statement
[DEBUG] Adding    "+200bonus bat wings" to current maximizer statement
[DEBUG]    Adding "effective" to current maximizer statement
[DEBUG]    Adding "+20bonus rake" to current maximizer statement
Maximizer:    5item,meat,0.5initiative,0.1da 1000max,dr,0.5all    res,1.5mainstat,-fumble,mox,0.4hp,0.2mp 1000max,3mp regen,1.5weapon    damage,0.75weapon damage percent,1.5elemental damage,2familiar    weight,5familiar exp,15Muscle experience,5Muscle experience    percent,+200bonus spring shoes,+200bonus bat wings,effective,+20bonus rake
Loading    character status...
Maximizing...
120 combinations checked, best    score 3,144.14
[ERROR] It looks like the maximizer    didn't equip any weapons for you. Lets dump some debugging info to help    the KolMafia devs look into this.
[DEBUG]    Adding "2 dump" to current maximizer statement
Maximizer:    5item,meat,0.5initiative,0.1da 1000max,dr,0.5all    res,1.5mainstat,-fumble,mox,0.4hp,0.2mp 1000max,3mp regen,1.5weapon    damage,0.75weapon damage percent,1.5elemental damage,2familiar    weight,5familiar exp,15Muscle experience,5Muscle experience    percent,+200bonus spring shoes,+200bonus bat wings,effective,+20bonus    rake,2 dump
Loading character status...
Maximizing...
Outfits    [Bounty-Hunting Rig, Tapered Threads, Cursed Zombie Pirate Costume,    Hyperborean Hobo Habiliments, Wumpus-Hair Wardrobe, Grimy Reaper's    Vestments, Transparent Trappings, Blasphemous Bedizenment, Bits o' Honey,    Seafaring Suit, Violent Vestments, Dreadful Werewolf Suit, Dreadful Zombie    Suit, Dreadful Skeleton Suit, Cool Irons, Toxic Togs, The Jokester's    Costume, Eldritch Equipage, FantasyRealm Warrior's Outfit, Mutant Parts    Apparel, Whittled Wearables]
SLOT HAT
[ravioli hat (3,067), disco    mask (3,068), seal-skull helmet (3,069), coconut shell (3,071), fake    arrow-through-the-head (3,072), astronaut helmet (3,074), Apriling band    helmet (3,144)]
[Apriling band helmet]
SLOT WEAPON
[(none)    (3,144), toy accordion (3,146)]
[toy accordion]
SLOT OFFHAND
[hobo    code binder (2,953), stuffed MagiMechTech MicroMechaMech (2,953), stuffed    tin of caviar (2,953), magical ice cubes (2,954), McHugeLarge left pole    (2,956), rake (2,976), April Shower Thoughts shield (3,009), oversized    monocle on a stick (3,078), Roman Candelabra (3,099), august scepter    (3,144)]
[august scepter, McHugeLarge left pole]
SLOT CONTAINER
[McHugeLarge    duffel bag (2,959), bat wings (3,144)]
[bat wings, McHugeLarge duffel    bag]
SLOT PANTS
[old sweatpants (3,058), tearaway pants (3,144)]
[tearaway    pants]
SLOT ACCESSORY1
[datastick (2,893), McHugeLarge right ski    (2,903), McHugeLarge left ski (2,915), cursed monkey's paw (2,948),    yamtility belt (2,955), Cincho de Mayo (3,014), Peridot of Peril (3,026),    spring shoes (3,144)]
[spring shoes, Peridot of Peril, Cincho de Mayo,    McHugeLarge left ski, McHugeLarge right ski]
SLOT ACCESSORY2
[seal-clubbing    club (2,955), seal-clubbing club (2,955), turtle totem (2,955), turtle    totem (2,955), saucepan (2,955), saucepan (2,955), little paper umbrella    (2,959), little paper umbrella (2,959), McHugeLarge right pole (3,046),    McHugeLarge right pole (3,046), candy cane sword cane (3,130), candy cane    sword cane (3,130)]
[candy cane sword cane, McHugeLarge right pole]
120    combinations checked, best score 3,144.14
[DEBUG]    Removing "2 dump" from current maximizer statement
NO    WEAPON WAS EQUIPPED BY THE MAXIMIZER. REPORT THIS IN DISCORD AND INCLUDE    YOUR SESSION LOG! YOU CAN RE-RUN AUTOSCEND AND IT SHOULD RUN OK (possibly).
Stack    trace:
  at equipMaximizedGear (auto_equipment.ash:1066)
  at    equipBaseline (auto_equipment.ash:1185)
  at initializeDay    (autoscend.ash:993)
  at auto_begin (autoscend.ash:2150)
  at    safe_preference_reset_wrapper (autoscend.ash:2192)
  at    safe_preference_reset_wrapper (autoscend.ash:2199)
  at    safe_preference_reset_wrapper (autoscend.ash:2199)
  at    safe_preference_reset_wrapper (autoscend.ash:2199)
  at main    (autoscend.ash:2247)
allowNonMoodBurning => false
Preference    allowNonMoodBurning changed from true to false
logPreferenceChangeFilter    =>    _lastCombatStarted,libram_savedMacro,maximizerMRUList,testudinalTeachings,spadingData,combo_lastTileCombed,_beachLayout,_beachMinutes,_beachCombing
Preference    logPreferenceChangeFilter changed from    maximizerMRUList,testudinalTeachings,auto_maximize_current to    _lastCombatStarted,libram_savedMacro,maximizerMRUList,testudinalTeachings,spadingData,combo_lastTileCombed,_beachLayout,_beachMinutes,_beachCombing
printStackOnAbort    => false
Preference printStackOnAbort changed from true to false
removeMalignantEffects    => true
Preference removeMalignantEffects changed from false to true
afterAdventureScript    =>
Preference afterAdventureScript changed from    scripts/autoscend/auto_post_adv.ash to
autoSatisfyWithCoinmasters =>    false
Preference autoSatisfyWithCoinmasters changed from true to false
autoSatisfyWithNPCs    => false
Preference autoSatisfyWithNPCs changed from true to false
betweenBattleScript    =>
Preference betweenBattleScript changed from    scripts/autoscend/auto_pre_adv.ash to
breakableHandling => 1
Preference    breakableHandling changed from 4 to 1
choiceAdventureScript =>
Preference    choiceAdventureScript changed from scripts/autoscend/auto_choice_adv.ash to
dontStopForCounters    => false
Preference dontStopForCounters changed from true to false
hpAutoRecoveryTarget    => 1.0
Preference hpAutoRecoveryTarget changed from -0.05 to 1.0
lastChanceBurn    => cast # Patience of the Tortoise
Preference lastChanceBurn changed    from to cast # Patience of the Tortoise
lastChanceThreshold => 100
Preference    lastChanceThreshold changed from 1 to 100
maximizerCombinationLimit => 0
Preference    maximizerCombinationLimit changed from 100000 to 0
maximizerMRUSize => 5
Preference    maximizerMRUSize changed from 0 to 5
promptAboutCrafting => 1
Preference    promptAboutCrafting changed from 0 to 1
autoscend (formerly sl_ascend)    is under new management. Soolar (the maintainer of sl_ascend) and Jeparo    (the most active contributor) have decided to cease development of    sl_ascend in response to Jick's behavior that has recently 
come    to light. New developers have taken over maintenance and rebranded    sl_ascend to autoscend as per Soolar's request. Please be patient with us    during this transition period. Please see the readme on the 
github    page for more information.
I tried to force primary and secondary EQ and that also doesn't work which I really don't understand (unless I am not setting those correctly which is possible).